


Body Image

by Taebear



Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Body Image, M/M, Negative thoughts about self, Suicidal Thoughts, poor jimin, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 11:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10989939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taebear/pseuds/Taebear
Summary: Jimin has negative thoughts enter his mind once again, Taemin finds him and gives him comfort.





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes.. It's really hard being the dominant one in a relationship when you have personal problems. Some, insecurities, or something else. But Park Jimin? He has a problem with himself. His body image. It still hadn't changed, not even when his boyfriend, Taemin, called him beautiful. Like hell he was..

Currently, it's around 5:30 a.m. and Jimin couldn't sleep at all. His love in his arms sleeping and resting comfortably.

But then a part of his brain decides to kick in..

Why not see in the mirror? Go check if you've lost weight.

No. He told himself. He didn't want to.. He couldn't..

What's wrong? Weak like always? You're pathetic, fat, and worthless. Taemin only lies to you, ugly pig.

Stop it! He loves me --

If he loved you, then why doesn't he confront you about these things? Or say you're beautiful? Never does, does he?

He has..

When? A while back? Just get up and check. You might have lost weight too.

Fine..

Jimin carefully removed himself from Taemin, being careful not to wake him, and walked to the bathroom.

He was about ready to cry. He didn't want to cry in front of Taemin.. Ever.. He didn't want to seem weak..

Maybe Taemin was better off without him..

He probably was anyway.. All Jimin did was leave broken promises. Taemin deserved better..

Jimin stepped into the bathroom. The cold tiles against his bare feet made him shiver and he reaches for the light switch, letting the lights blind him for only a moment before he had gotten used to the light.

And then there was the mirror..

With only one glance did he want to vomit. It looked like he gained weight instead of his goal of losing it..

Now was the time to pick out the flaws..

List:  
1.) Obese thighs  
2.) Obese behind (butt)  
3.) Fat body in general  
4.) Ugly features  
5.) Fat cheeks  
6.) Small height  
7.) Ugly smile  
8.) Lips are too big

The list was still open for more numbers, but with only a little surgery.. He'd be good as new.

But there was one problem...

How was he going to break it to Taemin?

Tears began to build in the idol's eyes and he sniffed softly, trying his best not to cry, but he couldn't hold it..

He just broke..

His legs gave out and he collapsed onto the floor, curled up in a ball and crying softly.

Stop being a baby. Grow some balls and man the fuck up.

L-Leave me alone!

Such a baby. You can't even stand to look at yourself.

STOP IT!

And so another argument began between emotions and thoughts, heart and brain.

But what Jimin couldn't understand was.. Why was it hurting so much? Why can't I love myself?

A lot of internal conflict had occurred currently, but that didn't mean that he would go back to bed. The last thing he'd want was for Taemin to worry. He wouldn't miss him if he were gone..


	2. II

Things aren't easy for Jimin, but he copes, or at least he tries to. He really just hated himself and he didn't know why. He was acting like a child, crying over something that wasn't real but hurt so bad. And the vocalist just stayed there on the tiled floor until later that morning.

Looks like crying himself to sleep did the trick to help because he slept for four hours straight. Probably the most sleep he's had.

Jimin has trouble sleeping a lot, a combination of nightmares and episodes, but mostly the episodes. His episodes are basically what had just happened, Jimin arguing with himself and breaking down on the floor.

He could have sworn his name was called but his eyes refused to open, as if weights were attached and weighing them down, that was, until he felt warmth to his cheek, and someone touching him.

When he opened his eyes, he looked up to see a very, very, tired Taemin. He had their duvet wrapped around him. And it was freezing.

Taemin looked down at the younger in concern, seeing how Jimin's eyes were red, swollen, and puffy. He knew that he had been crying. It was easy to tell. And all Jimin did was look away, staying silent as he was ashamed to have his boyfriend find him here on the bathroom floor instead of heading back to bed.

Oops.

"What's wrong?" Taemin asked softly, "Why did you leave? It's freezing!"  
Jimin shook his head and sat up slowly.

"I-I'm fine... I just had to have a release.."

The older knew he was lying.

"You're obviously not."

"I am."

"Then why were you crying in here?"

"...."

"Talk to me?"

Jimin sighed and looked down at the tiles of the floor.  
"I hate myself, okay? I don't understand why you love me and don't want me to leave. I'm fat, ugly, useless, and worthless."

Taemin frowned and sat on his lap.  
"No you're not. Stop it."

"Yes I am, hyung."

"No. You're very beautiful, Jimin. Jimin. You're perfect in every way and you're so thin its concerning. I'll still love you because you love me and will never leave me."

Jimin's eyes watered and he looked up at the older boy. "Do you mean it?"

"Yeah you dork, I mean every bit of it." Taemin smiled.

Jimin nodded and sniffed softly, letting his boyfriend wipe his eyes.

"O-Okay.."

"Yah. Come on, it's cold and I wanna cuddle."

"It is a little cold.."

"Come on!"

"Okay!"

Taemin got up and so did Jimin. They shared a sweet kiss and left the bathroom and back to the bedroom.

"Hyung?"

"Hm?"

The younger snugged into Taemin's chest and rubbed his eyes.

"I love you.."

"I love you too. Now get some sleep, it's too early."

"Yes, mom."


End file.
